Skip Justice -- A Few Scenes From the Pilot

[Fade in as Skip and Jordan walk down a long, ornate hallway on the fifth floor of the Main Justice Building, an impressive agency headquarters on Constitution Avenue in Washington, D.C., halfway between the White House and Congress. The ceiling is high and the walls are covered by large portraits of former Attorneys General. The two middle-aged men are at the back of a pack of very well dressed, racially and ethnically diverse, mostly younger lawyers heading down the hallway. At the end of the hallway are two tall and large wooden doors to a conference room; the sign outside the conference room reads “Attorney General's International Crime Summit.” As most of the lawyers enter the conference room through the impressive doors, Skip and Jordan turn slightly left and continue down the hallway, past that conference room, and then they enter a second room with a single, smaller, rather plain wood door, just a few yards down the hallway.]

[Seated near the head of a conference table in the second room is an older lawyer, a woman, dressed in an outdated, but neat suit. Jammed around the rest of the unimpressive table are eight coast guard officers, in formal dress.]

Skip – [To the older lawyer near the head of the table] “Hey Doris.”

Doris – [Politely.] “Good to see you Skip.”

Skip – “How’s the family?” [Doris doesn’t answer.]

[Skip takes a seat at the head of the conference table. Jordan sits immediately to Skip’s right.]

Skip – “What’ve we got, Doris?”

Doris – “Salmon sex.”

Jordan – [Incredulous.] “Pardon me?”

Doris – [With some emphasis.] “Jordy – It works like this . . . There are salmon; you know, fish. And then they reproduce.”

Jordan – “And why is the Criminal Division in on this?”

Skip – “Ok. Why don’t we go around the room and do introductions first. I’m Skip Justice. I am the Director of the Office of Policy and Legislation in the Criminal Division here at DOJ.”

Jordan – “I’m Jordan Jackson. I’m Doris’ buddy and Skip’s Deputy.”

Coast Guard Officer #1 – [Formally; and with emphasis.] “I’m Joseph Deary, sir. I’m the Deputy Chief for Strategy and Compliance for the Northwest Operations Branch.”

Coast Guard Officer #2 – [Looking straight ahead.] “J. Josh Knight, sir. Associate General Counsel for Policy.

Coast Guard Officer #3 – “Jennifer Ford, sir. I’m Senior Liaison Specialist, Office of Intergovernmental and Public Affairs.”

Coast Guard Officer #4 – [Excited and speaking very quickly] – “I’m James Chin and let me first say what a thrill it is to be here. I was an intern at the Department after my first year of law school, and I really hope I get back some time. This is a really important issue for me . . .”

Coast Guard Officer #1 – [Interrupting] “Lieutenant Chin! Get a grip. Name and rank only!”

Coast Guard Officer #4 – “James Chin. Coast Guard Solicitor’s Office.”

Coast Guard Officer #5 – “Rebecca Daniels, sir. Office of the Commandant.”

Coast Guard Officer #6 – “Tashanda Jones, sir. Office of the Deputy Commandant.”

Coast Guard Officer #7 – “Arun Ramaratnan, sir. Office of the Associate Commandant.”

Coast Guard Officer #8 – “Larry Winters, Jr., sir. Associate Counsel, Office of Environmental Policy Development and Implementation.”

Doris – “What are all you people doing here?

[There’s a knock on the conference room door. Jordan gets up, opens the door and a 16-year-old in a sailor suit walks in and sits in a chair along the wall, away from the conference table.]

Jordan – [Looking at Doris.] “Be grateful for sequestration, you old witch. They wanted to bring three more.”

Skip – “Doris, I love you. Just introduce yourself, please.”

Doris – [Saluting, disdainfully.] “Doris King, sir. Environmental and Natural Resources Division, Appellate Section.”

Skip – “Ok then. [Looking to the 16-year-old.] And who are you?”

Coast Guard Intern – “I’m Jonah. I’m interning with ENRD. This place is incredible!”

Skip – “Doris. What have we got?”

Doris – “Last week, Judge Kozinski on the Ninth Circuit decided to play a little joke on us. We convicted this 75-year-old man who was fishing in Oregon, and Kozinski reversed and said we had misinterpreted the statute we’d used. Over-criminalization, he said.”

Jordan – “What did this 75-year-old man do?”

Doris – “He was interfering with salmon during their mating season.”

[Pause.]

Jordan – “What was he doing, Doris?” [Jordan imagines, and the scene cuts to a shot of, an old man standing in a river, water raging by, slapping at the water, while he says, "Stop that!"]

Doris – “What didn’t you understand, Jordy. He was interfering with the fish going at it.”

Skip – “How old are the two of you?” [Skip looks to the other side of the table.] “Captain Deary, what happened?

Coast Guard Officer #1 – “The case was United States v. Paul Borman, sir. Mr. Borman was fly fishing in the Clackamas River in Oregon. His fly got tangled in the line of a couple of east coast hedge fund managers who were out there for a little R&R. They had a bit of a disagreement.” [While the Officer is speaking, the scene shifts back to the old man standing in the river, but now he's fly fishing, when two other fisherman across the river begin yelling at him.]

Skip – “What do you mean disagreement?”

Coast Guard Officer #1 – “You see the hedge fund managers had spent a lot of money at Orvis and had bought the Platinum Wooly Bugger Premium flies and the old man’s line weights ended up damaging the platinum.”

[Pause.]

Skip – So?

Coast Guard Officer #1 – “Well they got the tour guide to go after the old man and they had a fight in the river.” [The scene shifts to the fight in the water.]

Doris – “And when the BLM rangers arrived, the old man was arrested.”

[Skip gets up and walks over to a white board.]

Skip – “And we charged him with what?”

Coast Guard Officer #2 – “A violation of section 2225(a) of Title 14 of the United States Code. [Skip starts to write "2225" on the white board.] Interfering with mating salmon.”

Skip – [Turning away from the white board.] “What about the fight? Wasn’t that the crime?”

Coast Guard Officer #2 – “They weren’t on federal land, sir. So all we could charge him with was 2225(a).”

Skip – “Doris, why are we here?”

Doris – “Judge Kozinsky said that to find a defendant guilty of 2225(a), we have to catch the defendant interfering with the salmon at the exact moment of copulation.”

Coast Guard Officer #4 – “And this is going to present practical difficulties for law enforcement.”

Jordan – “Really? Can you describe for me how salmon . . .?” [Pause.]

Skip – “What?”

Jordan – “You know . . .” [Jordan makes a fist and moves it forwards and back several times.]

Coast Guard Officer Intern – “The mating ritual is actually quite an elaborate undertaking . . .”

[The scene shifts to Skip’s office. He’s on the phone. Jordan is sitting on the couch next to the desk.]

Skip – “Channing, I know the Commandant called the Attorney General. And I’ll do what I can. But this case wasn’t even on the coast. It was up the Clackamas River. Why does the Coast Guard even care?”

[Pause.]

“I know the Commandant likes to fish. But don’t you think that it’s a bit of overkill to make 2225(a) a racketeering and money laundering predicate? This isn’t exactly organized crime.”

[Pause.]

“I’m sorry, Channing. I’ll get it done.”

[A young woman storms in the office.]

Sydney – [Out of breath.] “I got a read-out of the AG's International Crime Summit from the Deputy Attorney General’s Chief of Staff.”

[Pause. The woman looks at Jordan and then turns her head to Skip.]

Jordan – “Ok. So what happened?”

[Pause. The woman looks intently at Skip.]

Sydney – “This is super close hold, Jordan. I don’t know. . .”

Jordan – [Disgusted.] Really?

Sydney – “I mean it’s really, really, super, super close hold.”

Skip – “Sydney. Can I speak with you over here? Privately.”

[Sydney walks over to Skip’s desk. Looks back at Jordan. Then leans in to talk to Skip, who whispers to her.]

Skip – “I appreciate your diligence, Sydney. And I know how sensitive the meeting was; after all, none of us were invited to it. But I’ve known Jordan a long time. He has a temper and some other faulty traits, like we all do. Don't you think we're all a little quirky? But he’s a decent guy. I think we can trust him.”

[Three ring tones go off in the office, simultaneously. And the three take out their phones. On each is a Twitter notification from Politico announcing that the International Crime Summit has concluded and the President will be announcing a new initiative to stop sexting among middle and high schoolers.]

[Jordan looks up from his phone.]

Jordan – “No. I think you guys should speak alone. I’m going to head to the gym.”

Skip – “What’s the weather like outside today?”

Jordan – [Smiling.] “It’s really sweet Skip. About 70 degrees and virtually no wind.”

Skip – “Let’s talk later, Sydney. Gotta go.”

[Opening credits. Pictures of the engravings on the Justice Department Building. Scenes around Washington. Ends with a close up of a computer screen, on which gets typed – “We are committed to working with you to improve justice across the land. Sincerely, Skip E. Justice”]

[Skip and Jordan walk out the Constitution Avenue entrance to the Justice Department and start walking to the Mall.]